♥Kawaii Baby Panda

Tuesday, January 29, 2008Y

Piece of mind - Love

I was bored after completed my homework (not all actually, just the targeted ones), so I sat down, listen to this specific song with the title " You Can Let Go " by Backstreet Boys. Although I've listen to it over and over again, somehow I only manage to grab the actual content of it just now. So since i've got the inspiration and kick to write, might as well post it before I lose all the ideas. The lyric is as below:

BackStreet Boys
" You Can Let Go "

I can see in your eyes
Broken windows, fallen skies
Baby, baby what you hidin' from
The light that followed you around
Lately nowhere to be found
Don't you know that I'm your place to run

You been holding on so long
Tryin' to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
And there ain't nothing you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know

That you can let go

Sifting through shattered dreams
Livin' in the in between
Baby, babe it's gonna be alright
(You can let go)
When you're lost, let down, disappointed
And jerked around in this cold, cold world
I will always be by your side

You been holding on so long
Tryin' to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
There ain't nothin' you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know

That you can let go

Don't be afraid when you're falling apart
Don't hesitate I'll be right where you are
Open your eyes there's a crack in the dark

Never let me see you cry
You locked it somewhere deep inside
Baby, baby let me hold you tight

Make it alright

Baby, baby gonna be alright
Cause I'm by your side
When the whole world turns against you (I won't turn against you)
Not letting it show
Baby, babe gonna be alright
Cause I'm by your side
When the whole world turns against you
You can let go

You been holding on so long
Tryin' to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
You can let go
There ain't nothing you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know

This song somehow affected me in many ways. Maybe because I treat a specific girl the same way as what has mentioned in the lyric, or should I say almost perfectly the same way. Some people may think that I’m in love with her or what, which actually I do before. But after knowing it is not possible, I’ve put a full-stop to it already because I believe by force brings negative effects on the impression of both parties. As you can see my horoscope sign in my previous post, I’m serious in relationships. The truth is, I’m a person who cannot let go of things easily. I tend to cherish and hold on tight to it even though it’s not practical anymore. Weird? But it’s the truth about me. That’s why I tend to treat her as though a close friend but not as a person I’m chasing, maybe because I wanna show my affection to her, as a close friend too? Although it is not possible at all, like a 1 way traffic with no return ticket (copyright from my friend), I still treat her that way. This somehow came spontaneously from me, even I couldn’t explain it.

But by giving out so much affection, I never hope something in return from her either, maybe just her smile will do? I do not know what kind of love is that, but my intuition tells me that this is called genuine love? Previously, about 3 years ago the same thing happened too, but that was even worse, or maybe that time I wasn’t aware or mature enough that it can be detrimental to be madly in love with someone, and hence forth that very incident left a dark spot in my memory. Until now whenever I thought of it or even when in a short conversation with my friends about love, I will feel a little down. I guess I’ve managed to suppress all those sadness by repeating the same thing, expressing love through support and care without thinking of being a couple? Some people may misunderstood me that I’m actually in love with her, but that’s the way I treat her and most girls as not to repeat history anymore. Whenever she needs help or company, I’ll be there for her, even to the extend of staying up late or sacrificing something valuable too. At times when she say or does something that shatters my heart, i'll forgive her and slowly stitch back those fragments without scolding nor be on a rampage. I tolerate all of this because of what?

To be frank to everyone, my family is not as perfect as other people's, or in short there’s a black mark in my family history, and that I’ll not touch onto as it is not appropriate and as to not tarnish my family’s name(but up till now, I still can cope with it >.<). But what I’m trying to say that maybe due to my family history I tend to appreciate and love people who are once close with me, and care for me. In my house, only me my sister and I are able to communicate well, share our feelings and discomfort together, and that’s why I believe that caused me to show more affection to people around me. I too adopt foster sisters as company because of the loneliness and my classmates think I’m a playboy because of that. Well, I hope this clears your mindset that i'm not a playboy because I'm not able to indulge the happiness that you all have, living in a happy family! Yikez I’m digressing again.

Alright back to the main topic, I’m still naïve in this so called love issue as I have no experience in such issue. Maybe after SPM or during college then I’ll go deeply into this. Well, that depends. But what I can deduce from my own judgment of myself is that family factor and the act of redemption caused me to be like that. So the lyric portrays my way of treating friends one way or another, and that often leads to the misunderstanding of many people. But no matter what I do, I still will adhere to the content of the lyric especially when it comes to friendship, be it girls or boys. If you don’t believe me, recall your past and ask yourself.

That’s about all of it, more to come!
CheErZ!

ends at 4:30 PM

Truth hurts~

Okay now i'm not in a good mood so I heeded my friend's advice, express all my disatisfaction and feelings in my blog. I'm going to do so but i'll not post all of it, because some idiots will think that i'm acting as if wanting people's sympathy! Darn! They're not even in my shoes, how do they know that i'm telling the truth? I really hope they get a grip of themselves and get their own lives, don't EVER rub in into my problems anymore! DAMN~!

Basically, i'm very patient with critic and mockery. However, my patience has it's limits. Sometimes i've been wondering, they mock me and made me a laughing stock of the class, but do they really know how I FEEL? Duh~ Human have feelings no? Don't tell me that they too do not have feelings? Sheesh~ At times, no, most of the time i never retaliate, i just sit there patiently swallowing all of em' But do they know how hard is it to gulp in all of those shame, pain and suffering? NO! They just take for granted that 'oh, he won't get angry wan laaa' This maybe true but as what i've said just now, my patience has it's limits. If you say that it is a joke, fine, but i've had enough of those so called jokes~ If you all were my friends, i think there won't be a problem understanding my limits and know when to stop when i'm trying my very best not to go berserk on them.

A total of 8 years, 8 years of patience and consideration, and what do I get? Even more of those 'fun' huh? Remember, words that have been said cannot be withdrew anymore. Try imagining yourself in my position, how would it feel to be mock and yet you have to tackle all those shame, enveloping your hatred and discomfort deep inside yourself as to not burst out with anger? Some may say that it's not they wanted to defame you, but it is just for laughs. Hello, you are taking ACTUALLY making them feel shameful which may or maybe not true, but with those mockery, it can be true to the listeners to believe. At that point, what would you do if you were in my situation huh? You guys are lucky that most of you aren't aimed to be laughed at, but just try to fantasized it and you'll see how does it feel like. Trust me, 1 or 2 years is fine, but over and over again for 8 years? It's no joke okay, since primary 4 until now, form 5. During my tender years in primary 1 to 3, i was in another primary school and there things were cloud nine for me. We interact well, often mingle and play together. However, things turn out vice versa at primary 4 where i was forced to transfer school. So since then i started building up my patience and tolerance towards my new friends. Well, it lasted quite a while up till now, as you can see i'm annoyed with my friends now~ Geez, what am i? A toy to fool around?

Anyways, it's a good way to bombard all my hatred here. Look at the bright side, everyone who thinks they are guilty can buck up and change instead of me lusting out my anger to them. I'm not saying all of my friends who tease me just to make me laugh and be gay for the time, it's just those you-know-yourself who like to mock me in front of others, just for the sake of entertainment without knowing how I feel. Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate those who tried and somehow almost-succeeded to get my smile and laughter back, where i normally don't smile or even talk. So guys, know your role! I will not mention names in here as not to humiliate you, i just hope that you all don't climb over my head and make me turn radical in solving this matter >.<

That's all for now. Tata~
ChEerZ!

ends at 3:10 PM

Tuesday, January 22, 2008Y

Horoscopes

Alright, basically I've got nothing to do, since most(not all) of my homework are done and i thought of calling it a day, might as well update my blog before going to sleep. Now this post is about horoscopes, i'm not sure I truely 100% believe in this or not, but what they've mentioned about my horoscope is partly true tho. This article is extracted from an email by my biological sister. Enjoy reading~

PostScript(P/s) : I'm a virgo >.<

VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.

SCORPIO - The Intense One
Very energetic. Intelligent.Can be jealous and/or possessive.Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic . Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.

ARIES - TheDaredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.

GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, But is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.

LEO - The Boss
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. D oing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive...

CANCER - The Protector
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person... Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.

PISCES - The Dreamer
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendl y at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.

TAURUS - The Enduring One
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.

ends at 3:39 PM

Wednesday, January 9, 2008Y

'Memorable' day >.<

Alright, as everyone could see the title of this post, so I guess you all expect something interesting, no? Well, to tell you the truth, it's a bit exciting but life-threatening as well. Ok let's head straight towards the main storyline~

I was having my additional mathematics tuition at Pusat Tuisyen Cabaran. It was hectic as I was feeling under the weather back then, a little fever, influenza and drowziness, but still I manage to cope it. The two and a half hour long tuition ended at 5.30pm where everyone began to disperse. I on the other hand gotta wait for my mother taking her sweet time coming from her office to fetch me(maybe it's because she thinks her office is near to my tuition centre? LoL!) Anyways, I got off my seat, packed my stuff and head down to wait for my transport. 15 minutes passed and the place went quiet in an instance although it's located beside the main road. I thought I was the last one waiting there but to my astonishment, there's another girl, probably Form 4 or Form 5 waiting at the other end of the block. I wasn't aware about that then. Then I received a call from my mother asking me to wait at the bus stop, so without hesitation I marched towards the bus-stop, which is of walking distance.

When i exited the building happily sms-ing, I turn back and take a quick glance, I was literraly stunned to see the girl I was mentioning about just now being threatened to give her bag to the robber. The robber was a thin, pathetic-looking native with a helmet(he really looked idiotic with it). He was standing beside the hopeless girl, and the girl struggled not to get snatched. When I managed to regain my self-conscious, I fastened my pace with a rather fierce face starring at that guy, hope that he would be frightened. When he saw me coming, I guess he had no choice but to use force and the unlucky girl tripped to the ground. I guess she was lucky that the bag didn't slipped too. Then the man actually ran (>.<) away from her after failed to obtained her bag instead of trying to get a hand of the bag. After he fall, there was no time to lose anymore so I ran(not my forte) instead of walk! I shouted at the man with some foul languages(*TuT*), ensured her safety and continue starring at that man. He suddenly turned back from running, grabbed a razor blade from his pocket and come threatened me instead! Sheesh~! The conversation is as follows:

Robber :"Awak nak cari mati?" *shows his blade*
Me :"Kenapa awak nak cari hal? Kenapa nak buli dia?
Robber :"Awak nak cari matikah?" (as if he has nothing else to say =.=)
Me :"*TuT* Nak panggil Polis?"
Robber :"........." (and he ran away like a chicken)

The fool took off to the other block and hid somewhere with his idiotic helmet on his head(Should have took a picture of him) I went back to the girl and checked on her, it's sad seeing such a innocent harmless girl being threatened and harmed. Thank god she's alright, maybe just a little bruise after the fall. She thanked me like nobody's business but I ignored it and adviced her to be alert of the surrounding, there's even a coffee shop at the corner but she chose to wait for her transport there, partly it's also her fault because she was all alone that time on the far end of the block which even passerby won't be able to see either, and I guess that tempted the theif to take advantage of her. Maybe she was lucky today, if I wasn't there, i wonder what will be of her >.<" (I'm not boasting, she really was lucky because there isn't ANY SINGLE soul at that time, only me and her at that block). My transport arrived 3 minutes later after the incident. I explained to my mother about that incident and that's about the end of it.

In a nutshell, as you can see snatch-theif is getting common nowadays, those theives dare to initiate a robbery even during broad-daylight. And sadly to say, most robbers are natives (sorry if i've offended anyone, but it's the fact!) So girls who read my post, i sincerely hope that you all could think according to the situation, value your life and always, always remember about your safety.

CheErZ!

PostScript(P/s): The story here is non-fiction. This happened to me in real life!

ends at 12:30 PM

Friday, January 4, 2008Y

1st day of SCHOOL!

Okay, I now it seems weird but i think it's kinda odd to hear someone saying I Miss School? LoL! Well that quote fit me quite well tho~ You'll know the reason to my statement I just mentioned.

Okay here's the drill, everyday I gotta wake up at 5.15am, take a quite breakfast, a warm or rather cold shower to me, then I wait at the sofa waiting for my mum to fetch me to school. It's basically my very first day since 2 months ago I woke up that early, and it felt like, great i'm off to school again. What has it installed for me for this new fiscal year? Anyways, let's get to the point shall we? Alrightttt, I reached school at 6.20am (very early as expected), went to my class which is located 0.1Km from my school gate, pathetic ain't it? I wonder why the school's admin has to put us at that desserted block? But looking at the bright side of it, at least WE have our own privacy and need not share classes with the junior ones. I was given a big welcome by my gang, a rather whacky 1 instead when I stepped into the classroom >.< I found myself a suitable place below under the fan and went off for prefect duties at the gate. Guess what, waking up early in the morning after 2 months of sleeping at 4am is a burden, AND I gotta patrol the gates for late-comers and record their names on the first day of school, not bad eh? Okay, that's fine to me...The one that really got pissed me off WAS when my form teacher changed all of our seating position into couples(I'm saying couples as in normal ones and the bisexual ones XD)instead of giving us the freedom to choose our seat *sigh*

Hope i'm not digressing >.< Ok, so school resumes as it were, as always too. Recess is more or less the same, only the changes in the usual faces, LoL! All those cranky ass-holes are gone and now we are the seniors! Muahahaha! After recess, we have 2 periods free, I guess the teacher lost their way to our class huh? LoL, joking~! The last 3 periods was rather hectic. Hectic in the sense that the teacher LITERALLY brain-washed us with moral values and stuff~ I'm quite annoyed with them treating us like small kids. Hello, we are form 5 for goodness sake =.="

Then, during the afternoon the EXCO board of prefects has to go to school to help out in the orientation for the form 1s, and it went out quite well I guess. But I was half-dead by then as I lack of sleep because I slept at 1am that night. Mainly is speeches by the higher-ups about the school regulations, self-cleaniless yada yada yada~ There's 1 particular phrase that one of the speaker mentioned, something about 'Kalau kamu dimarah oleh cikgu, cintakan cikgu itu lagi, jangan mengikar arahannya' and one of my friends, a form 3 prefect add in something that made all the senior prefects laughed our heads out. It goes like this 'Kalau cinta tidak cukup, kahwinkan cikgu!" LoL! WE REALLY laughed like nobody's business, what he say is quite true too >.<'

Then, it was only around 5.45pm I reached home, took a bath and went for dinner with my father then I was off to tuition for Physics tuition. Nothing interesting happened back then so I guess that's all for now~~

More to come soon!
CheErZ!

ends at 3:11 PM

Thursday, January 3, 2008Y

Tags tags tags and others >.<

Tag 1:

LISt OUT TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:
1. Hope my 1st dream comes true
2. Hope my 2nd dream comes true
3. Hope my 3rd dream comes true (Cool eh >.<)
4. Hope my 4th dream comes true
5. Hope my 5th dream comes true

List Out The Reasons For Your Choice:
1. Because I want my 1st dream to come true
2. Because I want my 2nd dream to come true
3. Because I want my 3rd dream to come true
4. Because I want my 4th dream to come true
5. Because I want my 5th dream to come true

Who Tagged You?
Gloria mei~

5 impressions of him/her/them
1. Devotes herself to god.
2. Future scientist? LoL!
3. Gets moody real quick, and I mean it..
4. Anime freak >.<"
5. Friendly

Most memorable things he/she/they did for You:
Become my foster sister..

Most loved Invention(does not need technologically advanced)
Internet.

What do you despise the most:
Ass-holes
Back-stabber
People who thinks they are great
To make it simple, people who pisses me off~

Tag 2:

Rules :
1.Link to your tagger and post this rules.

2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.

3. Tag eight (8) people.

(+ with a picture of you in black and white)<---can this be cancelled?

1) I'm just an average boy.
2) Anime freak too.
3) Enjoy gaming, be it online, offline or ps2 games.
4) I wear specs...Sheesh~
5) I'm a person who is good to friends?(Not sure about this)
6) I enjoy illegal driving >.<
7) I can be a great help in times of difficulties
8) I'm single >.<(.....)

For both tags, I would like to tag:
My Sister
Chua Soon Ho
Sheng Han
Billy Chin
Yew Ding
Anyone who drops by my blog
Anyone who is FREE ENOUGH to this tag
Anyone with internet access (duh)

***** Others *****

Ok, so school is reopening in another 16hours 28mins! And i'm busy blogging now because i'm afraid I won't have the time to blog when the school reopens. As always, Rise and Shine->School->Co-curricular activities->Tuition->Good night. SO you see, school life sure is boring huh? LoL!

This morning when I woke up, I happened to tuned in light FM and listen to some old, sentimental songs. While listening to one of those songs, I find the lyrics in one of the songs quite true and meaningful. It says human only appreciates things ONLY when they are gone, and i'm sure everyone agrees with me. It's funny how we have this kind of feelings, when I recall my past, there are moments where I nearly shed my tears out of happiness and joy, but I never even give a ponder about it, never even cherish that very moment, or even photo it. Well, I guess this is human's nature...Now school is reopening, there's no turning back anymore. So I guess i'll miss form 4 after all the bitter and sweet experiences that i've been through the whole year. Time sure flies~

That's all for now!
CheeRZ!

ends at 5:50 AM

Leo Christmas cum New Year Party

I'm supposed to blog about this 4 days ago but I couldn't obtain any photos taken during the nite.Oh well~

Alrighty, our Leos just threw ourselves a huge party on the 28th of December 2007. The venue for this party is our very own president's house. She is kind enough to be the host for this event as her house has a big compound, and I mean BIG! It's a potluck so guys, if you've read my previous blog, i'm sure you all know what i'll bring during that day. Yes you've guess it right, drinks, partly because I volunteered myself to be in the drinks committee >.< Smart move eh? Drinks are my forte~(For potluck only). Anyways, let's move on. Okay, before the event, the committee went to her house for some cleaning as she was away the whole week to Europe. Even on that day itself, we also cleaned her house so you could imagine how big her house is? But the cleaning and decorating crew's hardwork paid off and they manage to decorate her house and managed to induce the christmas ambience in it with all the streamers, ribbons, balloons and etc.

The event started at 7.30pm after the arrival of sponsoring club's lions. First on the agenda were some speeches, short one as not to bore everyone. Then, the opening ceremony of the party. The Leo and Lion president along with the committees pop-ed the party poopers as a symbolic for the opening ceremony.(Sigh, no photos on that.) After the opening ceremony, dinner is served~ The menu of the night was a turkey bought by our beloved faculty advisor. Not bad eh? Everyone enjoyed the food. There's even barbecue outside of her house, which was man-handled by boys and eaten MOSTLY by the boys(including me). Sooner after that, some entertainment performed by our talented Leos with a duet and later a solo I think, not quite sure about it. That was only the 3rd agenda of the night. Later after everyone had their meals, we're off to the games. The games are quite complicated to describe so I'll skip that part. Oh yea, there's even hat competion whereas everyone has to DIY a party/christmas hat for the party. Quite fun tho as you can see all those funny and unique designs out of the creativity of our members. There's one member of ours, DIY a very very tall christmas party hat, almost reaching our ribs if placed on the floor. Hmmm, i've been wondering what if a tall person wears it, all the lamps on the ceiling might fall off, no? Anyways anyways, let's move on to the last event of the night, gift exchange~ Each present brought in buy the participants for that night are numbered and we too get a number each. Then we will take the present according to the paired numbers. It's quite fun and indeed I feel myself really celebrating christmas with friends, a wonderful experience! When we received our presents, I could see a smile on everyone's face. Now this is what Christmas is all about!

It was 10pm and everyone began to disperse with laughs and smiles on their faces. I'm sure everyone was happy and satisfied that night. A job well done to all the committee for this glorious event! Roar Roar Roar!

That's all for now. Till next time~
CheErZ!

ends at 4:50 AM