I was bored after completed my homework (not all actually, just the targeted ones), so I sat down, listen to this specific song with the title " You Can Let Go " by Backstreet Boys. Although I've listen to it over and over again, somehow I only manage to grab the actual content of it just now. So since i've got the inspiration and kick to write, might as well post it before I lose all the ideas. The lyric is as below:



This song somehow affected me in many ways. Maybe because I treat a specific girl the same way as what has mentioned in the lyric, or should I say almost perfectly the same way. Some people may think that I’m in love with her or what, which actually I do before. But after knowing it is not possible, I’ve put a full-stop to it already because I believe by force brings negative effects on the impression of both parties. As you can see my horoscope sign in my previous post, I’m serious in relationships. The truth is, I’m a person who cannot let go of things easily. I tend to cherish and hold on tight to it even though it’s not practical anymore. Weird? But it’s the truth about me. That’s why I tend to treat her as though a close friend but not as a person I’m chasing, maybe because I wanna show my affection to her, as a close friend too? Although it is not possible at all, like a 1 way traffic with no return ticket (copyright from my friend), I still treat her that way. This somehow came spontaneously from me, even I couldn’t explain it.

But by giving out so much affection, I never hope something in return from her either, maybe just her smile will do? I do not know what kind of love is that, but my intuition tells me that this is called genuine love? Previously, about 3 years ago the same thing happened too, but that was even worse, or maybe that time I wasn’t aware or mature enough that it can be detrimental to be madly in love with someone, and hence forth that very incident left a dark spot in my memory. Until now whenever I thought of it or even when in a short conversation with my friends about love, I will feel a little down. I guess I’ve managed to suppress all those sadness by repeating the same thing, expressing love through support and care without thinking of being a couple? Some people may misunderstood me that I’m actually in love with her, but that’s the way I treat her and most girls as not to repeat history anymore. Whenever she needs help or company, I’ll be there for her, even to the extend of staying up late or sacrificing something valuable too. At times when she say or does something that shatters my heart, i'll forgive her and slowly stitch back those fragments without scolding nor be on a rampage. I tolerate all of this because of what?

To be frank to everyone, my family is not as perfect as other people's, or in short there’s a black mark in my family history, and that I’ll not touch onto as it is not appropriate and as to not tarnish my family’s name(but up till now, I still can cope with it >.<). But what I’m trying to say that maybe due to my family history I tend to appreciate and love people who are once close with me, and care for me. In my house, only me my sister and I are able to communicate well, share our feelings and discomfort together, and that’s why I believe that caused me to show more affection to people around me. I too adopt foster sisters as company because of the loneliness and my classmates think I’m a playboy because of that. Well, I hope this clears your mindset that i'm not a playboy because I'm not able to indulge the happiness that you all have, living in a happy family! Yikez I’m digressing again.

Alright back to the main topic, I’m still naïve in this so called love issue as I have no experience in such issue. Maybe after SPM or during college then I’ll go deeply into this. Well, that depends. But what I can deduce from my own judgment of myself is that family factor and the act of redemption caused me to be like that. So the lyric portrays my way of treating friends one way or another, and that often leads to the misunderstanding of many people. But no matter what I do, I still will adhere to the content of the lyric especially when it comes to friendship, be it girls or boys. If you don’t believe me, recall your past and ask yourself.

That’s about all of it, more to come!
CheErZ!