What the freak, I really don't know what's happening to me. Is it because of stress? Or because of certain unexplainable feeling developing deep in me. I myself too am not sure what is the cause. I hate being clouded with the feeling of hatred, jealousy and despair. And it got worse if it's all mixed up into 1 that cause me to have an emotional breakdown. I tend to be so emotionless, and destructive. Little things that made me unhappy will cause me to be engulfed in flames, while unpleasant memories or encounters will make me feel dejected. Maybe I'm overeacting or so, but all of these feelings are spontaneous, without prior notice I'm already begining to feel emotional. Words that came out from my mouth didn't go through my brain at all, and therefore my harsh attitude hurt the people that I cared so much. And the sad thing is my old method of not getting emotional is by sleeping. And it didn't work! Gosh!
How nice if we are able to erase our memories and turn over a new leaf? Start all over again from scratch, forgetting the past and fully utilize the future to be a fruitful one. Sometimes I really wished that those nuisance can really get out of my life because almost all the problems and miseries that happen in my life is due to them. It's quite ironic actually to let 'them' take control of your whole instead of your self-consciousness. I seriously felt so down until I feel like rendering on all the pain and sadness. Futhermore saturday is the day that I supposed to be enjoying it with her, but sadly to say I've accidentally hurt her. I always try to avoid chatting with my cherished ones as to not hurt their feelings, but it seems that avoiding too can be torturing as well. Sigh...Luckily she understood what I was going through and instead of being disappointed with me, she gave me air so that I could breathe again. *hugs* <3
So, to those who helped me to pull myself back together again, especially my honey, my 2 foster sisters and Chee Ling (ex-classmate), thank you for being there with me. I know my words seems to be a little harsh while chatting with you guys, I seriously didn't mean it at all. Oh well, just hope that history won't repeat itself tomorrow when I open my eyes. *fingers crossed*
-Over and Out-
(Emotional Kelvin)
